| A man is asked, “Did you cheat on your wife?” |
and he replies, “I have been happily married
for 20 years and have two kids, I love my
family.” As you read above, this is diverting by
giving an honestanswer without actually
answering, but is also setting up a positive
frame.
1. KNOW THAT THERE IS NO ONE SIGN OR
CLUSTER OF SIGNS TO DETECT LIES
There are no clear signs a man is telling lies (or
even a woman). If it were as cut and dry as
detecting signs then no law enforcement group
would ever be deceived. What you first have to
do is clear your mind of all you “think” you
know about lie detection. There are no signs, no
eyes darting to one side, no scratching of nose
that indicates lies. You have to look at the
bigger picture . Are his tightly crossed arms that
way because he is lying? Or is he cold? Does he
usually stand like that? Have you seen him
stand like that when being shouted at by his
mother? You need to examine a whole scenario
and not just single actions or words.
2. HE HIDES BEHIND COMMON LIE DETECTION
MYTHS
He also believes in lie detection myths and will
try to use them. He may do things such as
looking you in the eyes, showing his palms, not
fidgeting or breaking his gaze. If he does this
the first time then he has anticipated your
question (which should arouse your suspicion).
If he is doing it on subsequent occasions after
you have asked more than once then it is
meaningless because he is simply trying to make
you believe his first answer .
3. HE DIVERTS WITH AN HONEST ANSWER
This trick is where a man tells you an honest
answer without answering your own. “Have
you seen your secretary today?” and he replies,
“She didn’t come to work today.” Supposing that
she didn’t then it is an honest answer, but he
never actually answered your question. This is
very suspicious because if the facts were on his
side he would have said, “No, she didn’t come
to work today” (see the subtle difference?).
4. HE GETS ANGRY WHEN YOU ASK
Do not forget that we’ve already established
there are no clear signs a man is telling lies,
and he may get angry because he is tired of
being asked. But, some men and women use
getting angry as a defense mechanism. Getting
angry at your question is a manipulative way of
getting you to shut up about it, so treat it with
suspicion.
5. HE SETS UP A POSITIVE FRAMING IMAGE
A man is asked, “Did you cheat on your wife?”
and he replies, “I have been happily married
for 20 years and have two kids, I love my
family.” As you read above, this is diverting by
giving an honestanswer without actually
answering, but is also setting up a positive
frame. The same is true when men say, “I am a
devout religious…” or “I have never even
thought about…” It is done to make youthink
positive things about the person. A reliance on
such clever verbal tricks by your man should
arouse your suspicion.
6. GETTING UPSET AND DIVERTING
This may involve diverting and positive framing
too. You start a line of questioning that makes
him uncomfortable, so he diverts and gets upset
with, “Don’t you think I have been through
enough?” or “You are doing just what my ex
wife/girlfriend used to.” Getting upset is a
manipulative tool and should arouse your
suspicion as it is among the signs someone is
lying.
7. ASK HIM OBTUSE QUESTIONS
He will probably have his story set out very
well, along with several back up stories that he
remembers perfectly. So, ask him an obtuse
question. “Yeah, it was just me and Bob in a
bar.” So you say, “Oh, what was he wearing?”
or “Oh, I saw him the other day, has he shaved
off that mustache?” Obtuse questions will cause
him to think on his feet and he
may show discomfort, which should arouse
your suspicions. Don’t forget that innocent
people often say they can’t remember, but too
many “Can’t remembers” are suspicious.
8. THE KILLER “WHY”
When this works, it is very gratifying for you.
Let’s say you suspect he was at a bar but he is
not going to admit it. Do not interrogate him
hard, or be aggressive or push, and at some
point ask him something such as, “Is there any
reason why someone may have seen you at the
bar?” Do not mention who by name or it will
make him discredit that person. Questions such
as this make him assume you know something.
If he is guilt free then an immediate “no” (or
similar) will follow. If there is a little guilt
then he will say something such as “why,” at
which point you should be very suspicious
(what’s he hiding?).
9. THE FINAL QUESTION
After finishing your little interrogation session
you should ask a final question, such as, “Is
there anything else I should know?” or “Is there
anything you have left out?” Any discomfort at
this point should arouse your suspicion. Do not
forget that there are no clear signs a man is
telling lies; all you have read here are things
that may arouse your suspicion. Asking
something such as “Have you lied?” or “Are you
lying to me?” is not good enough because it
invites an immediate and easy “no.”
for 20 years and have two kids, I love my
family.” As you read above, this is diverting by
giving an honestanswer without actually
answering, but is also setting up a positive
frame.
1. KNOW THAT THERE IS NO ONE SIGN OR
CLUSTER OF SIGNS TO DETECT LIES
likes
There are no clear signs a man is telling lies (or
even a woman). If it were as cut and dry as
detecting signs then no law enforcement group
would ever be deceived. What you first have to
do is clear your mind of all you “think” you
know about lie detection. There are no signs, no
eyes darting to one side, no scratching of nose
that indicates lies. You have to look at the
bigger picture . Are his tightly crossed arms that
way because he is lying? Or is he cold? Does he
usually stand like that? Have you seen him
stand like that when being shouted at by his
mother? You need to examine a whole scenario
and not just single actions or words.
2. HE HIDES BEHIND COMMON LIE DETECTION
MYTHS
He also believes in lie detection myths and will
try to use them. He may do things such as
looking you in the eyes, showing his palms, not
fidgeting or breaking his gaze. If he does this
the first time then he has anticipated your
question (which should arouse your suspicion).
If he is doing it on subsequent occasions after
you have asked more than once then it is
meaningless because he is simply trying to make
you believe his first answer .
3. HE DIVERTS WITH AN HONEST ANSWER
This trick is where a man tells you an honest
answer without answering your own. “Have
you seen your secretary today?” and he replies,
“She didn’t come to work today.” Supposing that
she didn’t then it is an honest answer, but he
never actually answered your question. This is
very suspicious because if the facts were on his
side he would have said, “No, she didn’t come
to work today” (see the subtle difference?).
4. HE GETS ANGRY WHEN YOU ASK
Do not forget that we’ve already established
there are no clear signs a man is telling lies,
and he may get angry because he is tired of
being asked. But, some men and women use
getting angry as a defense mechanism. Getting
angry at your question is a manipulative way of
getting you to shut up about it, so treat it with
suspicion.
5. HE SETS UP A POSITIVE FRAMING IMAGE
A man is asked, “Did you cheat on your wife?”
and he replies, “I have been happily married
for 20 years and have two kids, I love my
family.” As you read above, this is diverting by
giving an honestanswer without actually
answering, but is also setting up a positive
frame. The same is true when men say, “I am a
devout religious…” or “I have never even
thought about…” It is done to make youthink
positive things about the person. A reliance on
such clever verbal tricks by your man should
arouse your suspicion.
6. GETTING UPSET AND DIVERTING
This may involve diverting and positive framing
too. You start a line of questioning that makes
him uncomfortable, so he diverts and gets upset
with, “Don’t you think I have been through
enough?” or “You are doing just what my ex
wife/girlfriend used to.” Getting upset is a
manipulative tool and should arouse your
suspicion as it is among the signs someone is
lying.
7. ASK HIM OBTUSE QUESTIONS
He will probably have his story set out very
well, along with several back up stories that he
remembers perfectly. So, ask him an obtuse
question. “Yeah, it was just me and Bob in a
bar.” So you say, “Oh, what was he wearing?”
or “Oh, I saw him the other day, has he shaved
off that mustache?” Obtuse questions will cause
him to think on his feet and he
may show discomfort, which should arouse
your suspicions. Don’t forget that innocent
people often say they can’t remember, but too
many “Can’t remembers” are suspicious.
8. THE KILLER “WHY”
When this works, it is very gratifying for you.
Let’s say you suspect he was at a bar but he is
not going to admit it. Do not interrogate him
hard, or be aggressive or push, and at some
point ask him something such as, “Is there any
reason why someone may have seen you at the
bar?” Do not mention who by name or it will
make him discredit that person. Questions such
as this make him assume you know something.
If he is guilt free then an immediate “no” (or
similar) will follow. If there is a little guilt
then he will say something such as “why,” at
which point you should be very suspicious
(what’s he hiding?).
9. THE FINAL QUESTION
After finishing your little interrogation session
you should ask a final question, such as, “Is
there anything else I should know?” or “Is there
anything you have left out?” Any discomfort at
this point should arouse your suspicion. Do not
forget that there are no clear signs a man is
telling lies; all you have read here are things
that may arouse your suspicion. Asking
something such as “Have you lied?” or “Are you
lying to me?” is not good enough because it
invites an immediate and easy “no.”
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